Wal-Mart to Buy Iraq?

CWT - Bentonville, AR. Confidential Cats with Thumbs sources close to Wal-Mart corporation senior management report that the retailing giant has tendered a multi-billion dollar offer for the country of Iraq; negotiations are said to be " in the final stages," and could be completed as early as January, 2008.

Wal-Mart has expanded it's global reach at a record pace over the past decade, opening hundreds of outlets in Mexico, South America, China, and Japan. Tillman Bond, CWT's financial analyst, believes "owning a country outright is the next logical step for Wal-Mart. The initial capital expenditure will be huge, but given the tremendous savings they will see in reduced labor costs, regulatory compliance, and taxes, the country ownership model could show a profit in as little as three to five years." Other financial professionals, speaking off the record, were unsure if Wal-Mart could finalize the deal; " who are they going to buy it from?, " a Goldman Sachs broker asked, " it's not as if there is a title somewhere to take to the closing."

CWT's Wal-Mart sources report that both United States and Iraqi government officials have been involved " at every stage of the negotiation process." If the sale goes through, the United States would be relieved of the huge cost in lives & money, as policing Iraq would become Wal-Mart's responsibility. CWT reporters on the ground say Iraq is looking favorably at the proposal; Wal-Mart has promised Iraqi officials management positions at their choice of stores and agreed to hire thousands of unemployed Iraqis as greeters at new border checkpoints. CWT spoke with rival Sunni and Shiite militants; both sides agree a Wal-Mart takeover would be a boon to the country and look forward to buying quality American made firearms and ammunition at everyday low prices.

CWT insiders say Wal-Mart was considering "Wahabbi-Mart" for it's Iraq outlets, but settled on " Wadi-Mart " to avoid any political or religious backlash.