CWT-Moscow. Vladimir Putin, fresh from his successful orchestration of Russia's latest power shuffle, was awarded yet another title, " Tsar of All the Christmases," at a special assembly of the Russian Parliament. Russia's newly elected (?) President, Dmitry Medvedev, presided over the ceremony, presenting Putin with a jewel-encrusted fur cap embroidered in gold with the title " Vlad the Claus " on the brim. Duma members rose in unison and applauded as a beaming Putin declared, " now Christmas is the law."
Only last week, Putin, prevented from seeking another term as President by the Russian constitution, successfully manipulated his United Russia party protege' and longtime ally Medvedev into Russia's highest office - Medvedev immediately returned the favor and appointed Putin Prime Minister. Veteran Kremlin watchers threw up their hands in disgust when news of Putin's Christmas coup was announced. " What's next," moaned a German reporter, who asked that his name be withheld, " Minister of the New Year? He has the media, the military, the government, energy, and now Christmas - might as well give him the calendar, too."
Even before the award ceremony adjourned, hundreds of Russian FSB (formerly KGB) officers fanned out across the countryside to enforce the Christmas spirit. "I almost had a heart attack," exclaimed Olga Semonova, an 80 year old grandmother living on the outskirts of Moscow. " I survived Stalin huddled in this house terrified the Chekists would come and take me. This morning two FSB thugs in Santa hats almost beat down the door, hand me a metal Christmas tree, and tell me I have to go to church and be jolly or they'll be back. Nothing ever changes!"
Lev Abramovich watched the Duma ceremony on a big screen TV in Moscow's subway. " If he grabs Chanukah next year, I'm moving to Tel Aviv."
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